A couple weeks ago a friend posted this poem. It reflects everything I have wanted to say but just couldn’t find the words. If I could describe the last 3 years of my life it would be PAIN. Pain that doesn’t let you get out of bed in the morning. Pain that suffocates you in the sheets and makes it impossible to function. A pain that has stollen my life. But I am choosing to take it back. I must move on out of survival. I am choosing to believe it will all makes sense one day. I am choosing to put fear in the corner where it belongs and move forward. I am choosing to be FREE.
Say that life can be a beautiful journey, that the pain can be dulled by the hope of new beginnings … Say that all those experiences brought me here to this moment of hope for more.
Say that all sadness can be healed, that the touch of new fingers can erase the bruises of fingers of the past. That truth can be true and the lies forgotten.
Say that this moment can be the new reality that what matters is this breath, this sigh, this smile.
Say that the sounds I hear now are gentle, sweet and loving that I can believe in the joy.
Say that the taste is sweet and tender instead of the salty taste of tears as they burn gently across my lips.
Say that all craziness can seem distant and clarity joins me here in this moment.. That it’s all relevant and then again not, at the same time.
Say that in saying so it becomes so, that in the gratitude of past hurt I find wholeness and grace.. That, that was then and this is now, and my experience just passes my eyes as a movie, and I don’t pause it or analyze it, but just see it for its messy, crazy, silly, glorious, horrifyingly realness that is.
Say that I see beauty in the cracks because through them I see my light shine through.
This life, my life… It is what it was, what it is, and what it will be, let’s say that…